Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
