Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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