I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize