i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
