i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
