Well apparently he's into motor boating.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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