I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
