I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
