when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
