The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
