Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
