awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
