I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
