Pappa wants mamma naked
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
