just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
