well you can't waste a boner
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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