Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
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