Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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