I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
