My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
A+ Viking dick
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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