When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
