Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
