when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
