Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
