it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Randomize
