The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize