Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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