so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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