im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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