Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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