remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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