i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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