The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
