I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
