Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
