conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
My penis needs a shock collar
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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