It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
