May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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