I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
