I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
