No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
