bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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