Kiss
Puke
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You pole danced in your parka.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
