I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
