hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
