peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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