I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
