Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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