Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
