I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
