I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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