I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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