his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
