I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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