i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
