Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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