he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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