There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i drank out of a bidet.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
