Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
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