My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
