not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
