No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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