If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
