I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
