Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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