I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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