glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
