she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
