just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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