Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
